Letting go of the hustle

Letting go of the hustle

~Written February 26th, 2019~

" Graduate. Get a job.

Take a gap year?

Travel? (Yes I have considered traveling a bit, but that isn't very realistic so I am not really considering it seriously, especially since I will get to / have to travel for Charis Childbirth Int. School.)

Volunteer in Christian humanitarian groups?

When should I apply to Charis?

Doula, midwife, both?

Farm?

Marry or not? (This obviously isn't really up to me, but to God! And my mom and extended family are probably going whoa whoa hold on. Don't worry guys, I am not exactly marriage material. 😜😂)

Start a home business? 

Move out or remain at my parents?

What do I really want to do?

What is God calling me to do?

Ministry or business?

Move out of state for training or stick around Missouri? (this really is up to God, not me!)

What am I even doing anymore?

Get a grip because your almost an adult! God help me!!"

This all used to make my chest feel tight with anxiety.

Ever since I was 15, I have been caught up in the anxiety and push to 'hustle'.

Get it done, move on to the next thing, make your dreams come true.

I'm not sure what it took for me to wake up and realize, "girl you have it all wrong!" (Actually I do know, it took moving 150 miles from my hometown to realize my plans and Gods plans didn't quite add up. And let me tell you Gods plans have been way better than mine!! Even when they were percievingly miserable.. Like 5 people living in a one bedroom house. 😉)

One day it just hit me.

Quit. Trying. To. Do. It. Your. Way.

Try doing it Gods way.

*Whoa! Mind blown.*

You know what. Life got waaaaaay better. And I have started to succeed, doors have opened, friendships have blossomed, joy, peace, faith, hope, and love are filling in the gaps of my heart and soul. (Mama is probably rolling her eyes... I am not very good at displaying it. 😏)

Yeah I still get caught up in the hustle a little bit. I am human. But that need to know every step,  the need to know how to get from A to B  to C, and so on.

That is fading, into God teach me what I need to know to live in each point (or season if you will). It is a pretty awesome place to be in.. It's not perfect because (and I repeat) I. AM. HUMAN.  There have been a few tearful moments of "God I can't take it anymore, I don't know what to do." But let's just say I am not laying on the floor crying anymore. (Been there and worse, and I don't ever want to go back.)

I am standing on the hill unsure, and yes even afraid sometimes but with arms lifted to heaven, because I know He has it all worked out.

(Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.)

**Verse 29 following it gives me chills, ya should go read it.**

Also my once I stopped hustling so hard, my priorities changed.

I was over the top stressed about missing TaeKwondo classes for other functions, missing online classes, etc..  But once I slowed down zoomed out and looked around me I saw people, and realized they were more important than I had acted and thought.

I was able to skip a Taekwondo class to go see a friend, with out a second thought. I didn't regret that a bit. Actually God slapped me (in a really good way) a little bit that night. I saw how vain and foolish some if the things I had been striving for were, and finally let them go.

I was able to miss an online class and hang out with my siblings without a shred of stress. 

Small things became less of a burden and more of a blessing.

I guess FOMO came with the hustle. I am glad I let go of it!

Part of the lryics in a song have caught my attention for years, but now they just fill me up.

"Lay down what's good and find what's best, and just breathe."

❤❤❤

Psalms  46:10-11

" Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.  The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."

I hope this post has more structure and is more orderly than my last one... My writing skills are kind of a mess. 😕😬

Anyway, take a breath, let God handle the fine print details of our lives, and live in the light of His everlasting love, faithful grace, and perfect truth!

Have a beautiful day (it is 60 out right now and I am wearing a short(ish) skirt and running barefoot!)

💚

~Ms. H